I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
