we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
