I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
