i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
