the condom got lost in my hair
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
