Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
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One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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