My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
