So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Drunk is a universal language darling
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
