i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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