farters have to be the big spoon...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
