If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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