So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
