my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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