Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
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