I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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