What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
