my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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