i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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