but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
