if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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