some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
