I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
