he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
