So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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