A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She swung at the pinata with crutches
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
