Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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