you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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