put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
