You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
