She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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