I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
