Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
