it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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