Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
This house was built for laser tag.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
