I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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