We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
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At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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