They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
