Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just invented taco cereal.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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