it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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