i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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