So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
