god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Verdict: uncircumcised.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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