I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
