youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
