Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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