Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
