Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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