i already hear my dad disowning me
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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