i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
