When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
