i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize