i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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