if you like me you must not know who I am
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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