The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
