i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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