You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
