I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
