Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
