why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
