He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Found your dick twin last night
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
