Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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