you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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