i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
