First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
