they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize