Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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